Chasing Away the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Life is so mysterious! Here I am sitting at my dining table in my Barcelona home, drinking Turkish coffee from the coffee cup that my cousin gave me as present in Tel Aviv. When I look at the cup, I am thinking that “I could be sipping my coffee in a bohemian cafe on the Dizengoff Street now.” When I breathe in the coffee smell, I say “Oh, I could be drinking this coffee while listening to the seagulls and watching the fish by the sea at the AŞŞK Café, by the Bosphorus, in Kuruçeşme, Istanbul.” As I become aware of the present time and space that I am in, I say in peace that “I am home, in the place where I purposefully chose to be.” Thinking about it, the taste of the coffee, the meaning and value of the cup, the comfort of the chair that I am sitting on all grow further. How interesting! Thanks to my choices and awareness, my perception and emotions change right away.

Our life seemed so simple and easy until a few months ago. We could effortlessly make it to the places (like Dizengoff Street or AŞŞK Cafe) whenever we felt like it. Travelling or the idea of moving from one place to another was super easy. Whereas now, we don’t act on any decision before evaluating its worth several times. When we don’t act but keep still, our emotions take over and we get carried away with them, and suddenly we find our inner voice whispering “Oohhh… if only we were there now.” Is this about the feeling of missing or longing for something? It looks so, but not quite. Is it disappointment or melancholy? I think that either. To me, it feels like the feeling of being left out of something, that emerges from deprivation or lack. It is a state where one is missing an opportunity or being not a part of a fun event. More commonly, it is called fear of missing out (FOMO).

Many acquaintances have dealt with these feelings over the summer. It is difficult. Due to our choices, we miss out on many events seemingly out of reach due to external circumstances. A closer look at this game of life reveals that it is all about results of our decisions and how we implement those in our own way. We live according to the consequences of our choices. It is not our choices that makes us feel missing out. It is our resistance to give up on the choices that we did not take; our inability to leave behind those and move on. If it sounds a bit abstract, let me tell you a story that perfectly illustrates my point.

A young and an old priest were walking together around in an oasis. They came across with a river next to which stood a desperate half-naked woman. The woman wanted to cross the river, but she did not know how to swim. “I don’t know how to swim,” she said. “Can you help me cross the river?”

“We always help people,” replied the old priest and held the woman in his arms. As they crossed the river, the young priest was thinking that what they were doing was wrong and sinful. After reaching to the other side, the old priest gently put the woman on the ground. The woman thanked to the priest and went on her own way. After a couple of hours of walking, the young priest could not hold it anymore and let his mind out to the priest “How could you hold and carry a half-naked woman? You, a priest!”

“I already left the woman by the river,” the old priest calmly replied to the young one. “You are the one that is still carrying her.”

This story beautifully demonstrates the following point: our doubts and fears of missing out is closely related to our awareness and consciousness during the decision-making process. The more we know what we want to choose, the more pleased we are with the results. When we manage to let go of the alternatives, to leave them behind or even forget once we make a choice, we truly become happy with our selection. I could be swimming in Bodrum in our summer house instead of sitting here in my living room in Barcelona. I could be meditating in the Karabaglar cottage in Izmir; I could be watching the sunset on a boat with a glass of drink in my hand; I could be walking by the Bebek Coast in Istanbul, and so on… All these thoughts are too sweet not to imagine. I would love to do all of those, why not! By the same coin, I could be trapped in bed due to Covid (or any other reason); that, of course, I would not like that to happen at all. However, I cannot be present in more than one place, and right now I am at the place where I consciously chose to be, so there is no better alternative than this one!

In my opinion, chasing away the fear of missing out is not about longing for somewhere else. On the contrary, it is about being content with where we are, discovering the hidden gems and wonders of the present moment, and making peace and enjoying all the consequences that our choices bestowed upon us. This is a philosophy of life promising us the real happiness. It promises us a life where we let go phrases starting with “I wish I were…” and do not carry the feeling of missing out. This approach towards life promises us “to be fine with what we are and what we have.”
Wherever you are right now, stay safe, in peace and with love.

Best wishes from Barcelona,

October 7, 2020