Here We Go Again…

In my previous article on missing out, I mentioned the potential places that I could have been or things that I could have been doing in the present instead. One of those examples was the possibility “to be trapped into the bed due to the Covid (or any other reason).” Even though I underlined that I would not like that to happen at all, I got sick as if I wished for it. A heavy cold alongside flu, some coughing, and moderate temperature took me ill to the bed. In the meantime, new regulations and preventive measures against the 2nd wave of the Covid have been implemented. These measures were announced on Wednesday and put into force on Friday morning (October 16, 2020). In line with these, all restaurants, bars, cafes, wellness and beauty centers as well as entertainment venues have been shut down for two weeks in all Catalonian region. Seems like we go again.

On March 13, 2020, we switched to the “new normal” mode after three months of quarantine in Spain. Life was not “amazing” but after seeing what we have and what we regained, it was all a blessing. Months after, the new normal was the “norm” now. Many of us thought that going back to the Spring period with quarantine was not possible again so now these implementations against a second wave have obviously been demoralizing. People were surprised, sad and silently rebelling so all Barcelona was outside throughout the day and night on Thursday. Everyone, including myself, filled streets and tables to freely enjoy a last supper or cup of coffee before the shutdown. Despite the predicted period of two weeks, no one can say for sure how long this shut down will last.

While this uncertainty leads us towards suspicion and fear of missing out, this time we are experienced. We have been there before. We are not unprepared, unlike the last time. We know how to deal with it. We wonder if these two weeks will turn into months. It is quite possible. Borders may shut down or not (although I cannot see that happening, but I am ready in case it does once again). As many thoughts run through my head, I am having unintentional flashbacks to the initial days and experiences of previous quarantine. On the top of that, it is a Saturday, and it makes me think of the 7th day of our ‘unforgettable’ quarantine (March 21, 2020) and of the entry into my Corona Diary for that day. Probably because it was one of the most striking quarantine days for me. It was a day that made me shout out that I was alive, a day that thrilled and cheered me up the most. Here is an excerpt from my diary entry on that day:

“March 21, 2020, Day#7

We have completed one week now. It has been 9 days since I last left home. I have adapted into the new routine so much that I cannot recognize my old one. The only difference of today is that it is a Saturday, the weekend. Yaaay! :)))

It is nice to begin the day early. I went out to the balcony to meet with my breath and my Self. When it is still and peaceful around like this, my mind and heart also feel calmer. Therefore, I decided to treat myself with a reward since it is also a Saturday and the 9th day of the quarantine. I am determined to get out of my routine today even if it is only for a couple of hours.

Hence, I took my bag, my jacket, disinfectant, gloves, mask, keys, and some snacks, and jump right into the car to go to the seaside. The beach of Barceloneta… Roads were totally empty. Not a single soul or a car around… The whole city still asleep or under the quarantine!

I almost felt guilty but at the same time was thrilled. My heart was pounding… But I was at the beach. The sun reflecting on the sand, the sea, and then my face. It was such a peaceful and liberating moment. A moment of gratitude and bliss making me say that ‘This is life!’…

The most relaxing and enjoyable thing at the beach for me has always been to watch the waves come and go by the shore as I feel them touch my bare feet on the sand. The water was ice-cold. I was watching the waves washing up on the shore, seeing them forming foams and then disappearing again… Then all of these happened again when a new wave hit the shore… It had a therapeutic effect on me, I could watch it for hours. I don’t know how long I stood there watching the waves with my feet buried in the sand. One after another, waves were hitting the shore, followed by foams that appeared and then disappeared. Sand found themselves home between my toes and were washed back into the sea with the tide. This same image, repeating like a broken record… Just like our days of quarantine!

“But no, today is different. I am outside, and I am enjoying to breath in the sea weather” I said to myself. I looked at the horizon where the sea and the sky meet. There was no visible object on the sea. It was completely flat… Endless blueness… “If only there was a sailboat in this frame… It would have been perfect, then!” I thought to myself. As I was floating in the calmness of the horizon that lay in front of me, I breathed in and out. With every breath, I store energy into my veins, my lungs, my heart, all to way to my fingertips and the smallest bits of my body.

As I was in my head within a state of complete independence from space and time, I heard a voice calling me. ‘Mom, mom, let’s have breakfast!’ ‘Honey, let your mom alone, she will come here when she completes her meditation,’ said her father.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was on the chair in my balcony. ‘Alright, give me two more minutes,’ I replied to them. I wanted to grasp on the little journey I took in my mind and reflect on how it made me feel. Did I really go to those realms? What was the difference between reality and imaginary? How about my feelings, the energy that I stored, and the taste of freedom I had? How about the joy of getting out of my routine and doing whatever I pleased? And how about the hopes that I just gathered within a couple of minutes or hours (let’s not even go into the concept of time!) in the face of the uncertainty that the future held? All of these were with me, and all of them were quite real!

If we can alter our sense of reality despite our physical space via things like virtual reality, cinema, theater, TV or books, why can’t we take a journey into the imaginary realm in our own heads? Especially nowadays when we are stuck in the same day just like a broken record… Everything depends on us and on the games that we play on our minds…”

My entry from the diary goes on but if we come back to the present day, this is the point I would like to underline: Our emotions and our experiences are shaped by how we respond to whatever is happening to us. Feelings of longing, our fear of missing out, regrets about the past or our anxiety about future, they are all scenarios that our minds create and make us believe. Just as the joyful experience that I created on my mind by going to the beach and made my body feel that it was a real experience… The choice belongs to us. We can take the strings and play our minds, or we will let our minds play games with us.

With love from Barcelona…

October 18th 2020