Bu yaz\u0131y\u0131 bir cennet k\u00f6\u015fesinden, do\u011fan\u0131n sadeli\u011fi ve g\u00fczelli\u011finin i\u00e7inden yaz\u0131yorum\u2026 Ve t\u00fcm safl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla size sormak istiyorum\u2026 Aynaya bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda ne g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsunuz? \u0130\u00e7 sesiniz genelde ne gibi mesajlarla sizi y\u00f6nlendiriyor? \u00c7o\u011funlukla hangi g\u00f6zler ve s\u00f6zler h\u00e2kim, sizi y\u00fccelten mi yoksa yeren mi? Acaba bu neye ba\u011fl\u0131, kendi i\u00e7 sesinize mi, yoksa d\u0131\u015f ses ve s\u00f6ylemlere mi? Peki ya kendinizi nas\u0131l biri olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsunuz? Sevmeye ve sevilmeye de\u011fer g\u00fczel insan m\u0131, yoksa kendinden nefret eden, kayda de\u011fer \u00f6zelli\u011fi olmayan ve sevilmeyi hakketmeyen biri mi? Bu sorular\u0131ma yan\u0131t aramadan \u00f6nce a\u015fa\u011f\u0131daki \u015fiiri okuman\u0131z\u0131 \u00f6neririm\u2026<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u00c7ok \u00e7irkinim!<\/em><\/p>\n O y\u00fczden beni ikna etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma ki<\/em><\/p>\n \u00c7ok g\u00fczel bir ki\u015fiyim<\/em><\/p>\n \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc eninde sonunda<\/em><\/p>\n Her konuda kendimden nefret ediyorum<\/em><\/p>\n Ve kendimi \u015fu yalanla kand\u0131rmayaca\u011f\u0131m:<\/em><\/p>\n \u0130\u00e7imde kayda de\u011fer bir g\u00fczellik var<\/em><\/p>\n Hatta emin ol kendime hat\u0131rlataca\u011f\u0131m ki<\/em><\/p>\n De\u011fersiz ve berbat bir insan\u0131m<\/em><\/p>\n Ve hi\u00e7bir dedi\u011fin beni inand\u0131ramaz ki<\/em><\/p>\n Sevgiyi hakkediyorum<\/em><\/p>\n \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ne olursa olsun<\/em><\/p>\n Sevilmek i\u00e7in yeterince iyi biri de\u011filim<\/em><\/p>\n Ve \u015funa da inanacak durumda de\u011filim ki<\/em><\/p>\n Ger\u00e7ekten i\u00e7imde g\u00fczellik var<\/em><\/p>\n \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ne zaman aynaya baksam d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fcm<\/em><\/p>\n \u0130nsanlar\u0131n dedi\u011fi kadar \u00e7irkin miyim?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Veee\u2026 \u015fiiri okudunuz\u2026 Ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsunuz? Bu dizeler size neler hissettirdi? Kendinizle ilgili \u201cevet, \u00e7irkinim ve de\u011fersizim\u201d alg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 m\u0131 onaylad\u0131, yoksa \u201chay\u0131r efendim, ne m\u00fcnasebet, bu kesinlikle beni yans\u0131tm\u0131yor ve gayet sevilen, iyi ve g\u00fczel biriyim\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi mi uyand\u0131? Belki sinir bozucu buldunuz, belki sizi huzursuz etti, belki de hi\u00e7 etkilemedi. Ama eminim ki az biraz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrtt\u00fc\u2026 Kendinize nas\u0131l bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z, nas\u0131l konu\u015ftu\u011funuz ve nas\u0131l alg\u0131land\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131za dair birtak\u0131m fark\u0131ndal\u0131klar getirmi\u015f olabilir. Belki\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u015eimdi, bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na durman\u0131z\u0131, s\u0131ralad\u0131\u011f\u0131m sorular\u0131 bir kenara b\u0131rakman\u0131z\u0131 ve \u015fiiri yeniden tersten, yani a\u015fa\u011f\u0131dan yukar\u0131ya do\u011fru yeniden okuman\u0131z\u0131 istesem\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Japon ressam Kazuo Shiraga\u2019ya (1924-2008) ait 1964 tarihli ya\u011fl\u0131 boya tablosu, MoMA, NY.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Eveeeet\u2026. Ayn\u0131 \u015fiiri tersten okudunuz\u2026 Ne oldu? Ne gibi hisler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler uyand\u0131? Bu dizeler sizde nas\u0131l bir etki yaratt\u0131? Akl\u0131n\u0131zdan ge\u00e7enleri \u00e7ok merak ediyorum\u2026 Acaba bu \u015fiir sizi ne kadar anlat\u0131yor? Daha do\u011frusu, dizeleri i\u00e7 sesinizi ne \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde yans\u0131t\u0131yor? Hatta ger\u00e7ekte hangisini yans\u0131t\u0131yor; i\u00e7 sesinizi mi, yoksa d\u0131\u015f seslere dayal\u0131 kendinizi alg\u0131lama bi\u00e7iminizi mi?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Yan\u0131tlamas\u0131 zor sorular, fark\u0131nday\u0131m. Kendimden \u00f6rnek vereyim: Bu \u015fiir kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ilk okuyu\u015fumda, kendi kendime \u201cyaaa\u2026 evet olabilir; sevilmeyi hak etmeyecek kadar de\u011fersiz biri olabilirim, zira bunu defalarca \u00e7e\u015fitli ki\u015filer ve olaylar sayesinde deneyimledim ve hissettirildim<\/em>\u201d diye ge\u00e7irmi\u015ftim i\u00e7imden. \u00c7ok acayip bir alg\u0131 de\u011fildi benimkisi\u2026 Sonu\u00e7ta ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcnden ve davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan yola \u00e7\u0131karak kendimizi ke\u015ffedip tan\u0131m\u0131yor muyuz? Kendimi alg\u0131lay\u0131\u015f\u0131m, g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm, bak\u0131\u015f\u0131m ve de\u011ferlendiri\u015fim salt kendi i\u00e7 alg\u0131ma veya i\u00e7 bak\u0131\u015f\u0131ma de\u011fil, d\u0131\u015f\u0131mdaki olaylar ve ki\u015filerle do\u011frudan ba\u011flant\u0131l\u0131.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u0130lgin\u00e7 olan, \u015fiiri tersinden okudu\u011fumda oldu. \u0130lk tepkim, \u201cdur bir dakika; bu dizelerin -ne d\u00fczden ne de tersinden, hi\u00e7bir ifadesi kendimi alg\u0131lay\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imimi yans\u0131tm\u0131yor, yans\u0131tamaz! Ben sevmeye ve sevilmeye lay\u0131k biriyim; i\u00e7imde iyilik \u015fefkat ve sevgi var; ve bundan bir zerre kadar \u015f\u00fcphe duymuyorum<\/em>\u201d oldu. Nas\u0131l m\u0131? \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc, \u015fu ya\u015f\u0131ma gelmi\u015fim, kendimi biliyor ve tan\u0131yorum; deneyimlerim ve hasbelkader ya\u015fam tecr\u00fcbelerim sonucunda insanlar\u0131n s\u00f6ylem veya d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini de\u011ferlendirerek ve kendi i\u00e7 sesimin s\u00fczgecinden ge\u00e7irerek kendimi de\u011ferlendiriyorum; kendimi gerekti\u011finde yarg\u0131l\u0131yorum veya onayl\u0131yorum. Yani, kendimi \u00e7evremdekilerin yans\u0131malar\u0131 sonucu ke\u015ffediyorum; sonras\u0131nda kendime soruyor ve onaylama veya yarg\u0131lama aras\u0131nda i\u00e7 sesimle se\u00e7im yap\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Vurgulamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015fey \u015fu: \u00f6z de\u011ferlememiz, \u00f6z sayg\u0131m\u0131z ve \u00f6z benli\u011fimiz; ve tabii ki akabinde gelen yarg\u0131lamalar\u0131m\u0131zla onaylamalar\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7 seslerimize dayal\u0131 olmaktan \u00e7ok, d\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdan gelen mesajlar ve s\u00f6ylemlere ba\u011fl\u0131 oluyor genelde. Psikolojide bu alg\u0131lama bi\u00e7imine n\u00f6roalg\u0131 (neuroception) terimiyle i\u00e7 alg\u0131<\/em> -veya i\u00e7e bak\u0131\u015f (introception) ve d\u0131\u015f alg\u0131<\/em> -veya d\u0131\u015fa bak\u0131\u015f (extroception) olarak ge\u00e7er. \u0130deal olan veya arzu edilen, ki\u015finin kendi i\u00e7 alg\u0131s\u0131na dayal\u0131 bir kendini de\u011ferlendirme ve onaylama mekanizmas\u0131n\u0131 in\u015fa etmesi. Halbuki, yeni gen\u00e7li\u011fin t\u00fcm benlik in\u015fas\u0131n\u0131n d\u0131\u015f alg\u0131 ve yans\u0131malar \u00fczerine kurgulu oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemeye bilmem gerek var m\u0131?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u00d6zetle, kendimizi alg\u0131lay\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131za ve benli\u011fimizi in\u015fa edi\u015fimize dikkat \u00e7ekmek istedim. \u015eu k\u0131sac\u0131k \u015fiiri do\u011frudan veya tersten okurken dahi bizde t\u00fcrl\u00fc hisler yarat\u0131yorsa e\u011fer, o zaman bir durup aynaya bakmal\u0131, akl\u0131m\u0131zdan ge\u00e7en laflara kulak vermeli ve i\u00e7lerinden i\u00e7 alg\u0131 ile d\u0131\u015f alg\u0131 aras\u0131ndakileri ay\u0131klayarak aralar\u0131nda dengeyi aramal\u0131y\u0131z. Alg\u0131m\u0131z salt d\u0131\u015f bak\u0131\u015fa dayal\u0131 olmayaca\u011f\u0131 gibi, salt i\u00e7 bak\u0131\u015fa da olmamal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dip not: Tersine \u015fiir (reverse peom) diye ge\u00e7en Pretty Ugly (2018) ba\u015fl\u0131kl\u0131 bu \u015fiir, Abdullah Shoaib adl\u0131 \u015faire aittir. Orijinal (\u0130ngilizce) versiyonu a\u015fa\u011f\u0131da. T\u00fcrk\u00e7eye \u00e7evirim orijinalindeki etkiyi yans\u0131tmam\u0131\u015f olabilir. Size \u00f6nerim, \u201czihni sinir\u201d sorular\u0131m\u0131 orijinalini okuyarak yeniden de\u011ferlendirmeniz\u2026<\/p>\n \u0130zmir T\u0131razl\u0131 K\u00f6y\u00fcnden sevgilerimle\u2026<\/p>\n 10 Temmuz 2022<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Pretty Ugly <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n by Abdullah Shoaib<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I’m very ugly<\/em><\/p>\n So don’t try to convince me that<\/em><\/p>\n I am a very beautiful person<\/em><\/p>\n Because at the end of the day<\/em><\/p>\n I hate myself in every single way<\/em><\/p>\n And I’m not going to lie to myself by saying<\/em><\/p>\n There is beauty inside of me that matters<\/em><\/p>\n So rest assured I will remind myself<\/em><\/p>\n That I am a worthless, terrible person<\/em><\/p>\n And nothing you say will make me believe<\/em><\/p>\n I still deserve love<\/em><\/p>\n Because no matter what<\/em><\/p>\n I am not good enough to be loved<\/em><\/p>\n And I am in no position to believe that<\/em><\/p>\n Beauty does exist within me<\/em><\/p>\n Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think<\/em><\/p>\n Am I as ugly as people say?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>(Now read bottom to top)<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Bu yaz\u0131y\u0131 bir cennet k\u00f6\u015fesinden, do\u011fan\u0131n sadeli\u011fi ve g\u00fczelli\u011finin i\u00e7inden yaz\u0131yorum\u2026 Ve t\u00fcm safl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla size sormak istiyorum\u2026 Aynaya bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda ne g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsunuz? \u0130\u00e7 sesiniz genelde ne gibi mesajlarla sizi y\u00f6nlendiriyor? \u00c7o\u011funlukla hangi g\u00f6zler ve s\u00f6zler h\u00e2kim, sizi y\u00fccelten mi yoksa yeren mi? Acaba bu neye ba\u011fl\u0131, kendi i\u00e7 sesinize mi, yoksa d\u0131\u015f ses ve s\u00f6ylemlere mi? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5302,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[114],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-yazilar"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5296"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5296\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5303,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5296\/revisions\/5303"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}