{"id":4985,"date":"2021-05-22T21:26:55","date_gmt":"2021-05-22T21:26:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/?p=4985\/"},"modified":"2021-05-22T21:26:55","modified_gmt":"2021-05-22T21:26:55","slug":"cok-mu-istiyorum-acaba","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/cok-mu-istiyorum-acaba\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00c7ok mu \u0130stiyorum Acaba?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>(Yazar\u0131 sesli dinlemek i\u00e7in t\u0131klay\u0131n.)<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-4985-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/30-Cok-mu-istiyorum-acaba-1.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/30-Cok-mu-istiyorum-acaba-1.m4a\">https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/30-Cok-mu-istiyorum-acaba-1.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>\u00d6fkeliyim\u2026 \u00c7ok hem de \u00e7ok \u00f6fkeliyim. D\u00fcnyada olup bitene \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130nsan\u0131n insana yapt\u0131klar\u0131na \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130nsan\u0131n insandan \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131klar\u0131na \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130nsan\u0131n bitmez t\u00fckenmez ihtiraslar\u0131na ve elde etmek i\u00e7in her \u015feyi yapabilme c\u00fcretine \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130htiraslar\u0131 u\u011fruna can\u0131ndan kan\u0131ndan olana dahi zarar vermeyi g\u00f6ze alan zihniyete sahip olmas\u0131na \u00f6fkeliyim. Birbirini dinlemek ve anlamak yerine \u00f6nce kendini hakl\u0131 ve daima g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc k\u0131lmak istemesine \u00f6fkeliyim. \u201c\u0130nsanl\u0131k\u201d ad\u0131na, \u201csa\u011fl\u0131k\u201d ad\u0131na, \u201cdemokrasi\u201d ad\u0131na, \u201cvatan b\u00fct\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc\u201d ad\u0131na diyerek insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ine ettiler. Birbirini hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mayan, y\u00fcz y\u00fcze gelmeyen ve ortak ge\u00e7mi\u015fi olmayan insanlar\u0131 kutupla\u015ft\u0131rmakla kalmay\u0131p, karde\u015fleri, kar\u0131-kocay\u0131, kom\u015fular\u0131, y\u0131llanm\u0131\u015f beraberlikleri birbirine d\u00fc\u015fman ettiler. Ge\u00e7en y\u0131l Covid-19 bana bir umut \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 getirmi\u015fti; y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 etkisinin yan\u0131nda insanl\u0131k i\u00e7in olumlu bir etkisi olur umudu uyanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u2026 Hani belki s\u00fcregeleni d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u00fcr, olaylar ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc ilerler ve insan denen varl\u0131k nihayet ortak yolu ve birli\u011fi beraberli\u011fi bulur, destek \u00e7\u0131kar diyordum. Ne yaz\u0131k ki, k\u0131sa s\u00fcrd\u00fc, o \u0131\u015f\u0131k da s\u00f6nd\u00fc gitti.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Bundan tam 30 sene \u00f6nce (28.01.1991) yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015fiiri buldum. \u201c<strong><em>Bir Deli<\/em><\/strong>\u201d diye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n<p>D\u00fcnyay\u0131 fethetmek isteyen bir deli,<\/p>\n<p>sahip olup y\u00f6netmek ister herkesi;<\/p>\n<p>fakat d\u00fcnyam\u0131za \u00e7ok geldi b\u00f6yleleri,<\/p>\n<p>hi\u00e7biri de s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 bilemedi.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u00d6nce halk\u0131n\u0131 inand\u0131rmakla ba\u015flad\u0131,<\/p>\n<p>planlar yap\u0131ld\u0131, her \u015fey haz\u0131rland\u0131;<\/p>\n<p>e\u011fer biri gelseydi ona kar\u015f\u0131,<\/p>\n<p>kestirirdi hemen kafas\u0131n\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sahip olabilmek i\u00e7in bu g\u00fcce,<\/p>\n<p>k\u0131yabildi g\u00fczelim insana, \u00e7evreye;<\/p>\n<p>Tanr\u0131m, l\u00fctfen bana s\u00f6yle,<\/p>\n<p>bu insanl\u0131k d\u0131\u015f\u0131 davran\u0131\u015f de\u011fil de ne!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u015eu anda evimde oturmu\u015f kendime bak\u0131yorum. \u00d6fkemi dile getirecek kelimeler bulmakta zorlan\u0131yorum. \u201c\u00d6fke k\u00fcp\u00fcne zarar\u201d derler ya hani, benimkisi de \u00f6yle; buharla\u015f\u0131p yok olas\u0131m var. Y\u0131llard\u0131r tan\u0131k olduklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 izlemenin ve elimden bir \u015fey gelmeyip sadece izler konumda kalman\u0131n \u00e7aresizli\u011fi var i\u00e7inde. Bu zaman i\u00e7inde t\u00fcrl\u00fc \u015feyler denedim\u2026 Ka\u00e7may\u0131 denedim\u2026 g\u00f6rmezden gelmeyi ve kendi hayat\u0131ma bakmay\u0131 denedim\u2026 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fcnyam\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131na s\u0131\u011f\u0131narak d\u0131\u015far\u0131da olan biteni d\u0131\u015f\u0131mda tutmay\u0131 denedim\u2026 Ne i\u015fe yarad\u0131? Hi\u00e7! Bir yandan da yak\u0131n \u00e7evremdekilere bar\u0131\u015f, sevgi, birlik beraberlik mefhumlar\u0131n\u0131 ve hayat anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 a\u015f\u0131lamaya bakt\u0131m\u2026 25 y\u0131ll\u0131k \u00f6\u011fretmenlik mesle\u011fim boyunca bu de\u011ferleri \u00f6\u011frencilerime aktarmaya u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131m\u2026 Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131za gelenleri alg\u0131lama ve kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda tepki veri\u015f bi\u00e7imimizin hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ne derece etkiledi\u011fine \u0131\u015f\u0131k tutmaya bakt\u0131m; kendimizi de\u011fi\u015ftirirsek ancak d\u00fcnyam\u0131z\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fece\u011fi anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yaymaya u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131m. Bunlar\u0131n da ne kadar i\u015fe yarad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan emin de\u011filim!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Bildi\u011fim \u015fu ki, bu \u00f6fke ve \u00e7aresizlik duygular\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda, i\u00e7imde ku\u015fku, yorgunluk ve de tuhaf bir korku var\u2026 Anlamas\u0131, aktarmas\u0131 zor t\u00fcrden bir korku\u2026 \u00d6fkeme yenik d\u00fc\u015fme korkusu, ondan beslenerek ba\u015fkalar\u0131na nefret duyma korkusu ve o nefret duygusuyla \u201cy\u0131k\u0131c\u0131\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce ve temennilerde bulunma korkusu. Zihnimin, kesinlikle bana ait olmayan \u201ccehenneme kadar yollar\u0131 var\u201d \u201cAllah belalar\u0131n\u0131 versin\u201d \u201cbeter olsunlar\u201d t\u00fcr\u00fcnden s\u00f6ylemleri yaratabilmesinin ve o potansiyelin bende var olmas\u0131n\u0131n yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 korku. \u00d6fkenin, derinliklerde uyuyan \u015feytan\u0131 kolayl\u0131kla uyand\u0131rabilece\u011fi, ve ki\u015fiyi nefrete, d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131\u011fa, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011fe, vah\u015fete itebilece\u011fi ger\u00e7e\u011fiyle y\u00fczle\u015fme korkusu\u2026 \u00d6zetle, kendimde sa\u011fduyumu kaybetme potansiyelini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; i\u00e7 sesimin daha bask\u0131n bir sese yer verebilece\u011fini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; ve dikkat ve fark\u0131ndal\u0131\u011f\u0131 elden b\u0131raksam kolayl\u0131kla \u015feytana uyabilece\u011fimi g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u0130\u00e7imdeki ses \u201cShirli bu laflar sana ait de\u011fil, olamaz, bu sen de\u011filsin!\u201d ile kendime geldi\u011fimde sorgulamaya ba\u015flad\u0131m, kayna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ke\u015ffetmeye u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131m. Kan\u0131mca okuduklar\u0131mdan, duyduklar\u0131mdan, izlediklerimden ve tabii ki de ait oldu\u011fum toplum ve de\u011ferlerinin bile\u015fkesinden\u2026 Hepimiz k\u00f6klerimizden ve \u00e7evremizden etkilenerek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce \u00fcretiyoruz; bilin\u00e7sizce, oldu\u011fu gibi, kopyalayarak hareket ediyoruz; i\u00e7ine do\u011fmam\u0131\u015f isek kendimize bir ana ak\u0131m -ideoloji de diyebilirsiniz buna- se\u00e7ip onun par\u00e7as\u0131 oluyoruz, hareketlerimizi sorgulamadan oto-pilotta kopyala-yap\u0131\u015ft\u0131r \u015feklinde yap\u0131yoruz. \u0130\u015fte bunlar beni endi\u015feye itiyor. Sanki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeyi, sorgulamay\u0131, etrafl\u0131ca ara\u015ft\u0131rmay\u0131, i\u015fin inceliklerini, insanc\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131, ya\u015fama \u00f6nem vermeyi b\u0131rakt\u0131k; yerine hakl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmay\u0131 ve ne pahas\u0131na olursa olsun g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc ve hayatta kalmay\u0131 hedef ald\u0131k.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u00d6fkenin y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 etkisinden s\u0131yr\u0131ld\u0131ktan sonra bir soru-cevap bombard\u0131man\u0131na u\u011frad\u0131m\u2026 \u201c<em>Beter olsunlar<\/em>\u2019\u0131 dilemedi\u011fime g\u00f6re, tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m herkes i\u00e7in neler diledi\u011fimi sordum kendime. Kendim i\u00e7in ne istiyorum? Kendim i\u00e7in ba\u015fka di\u011ferleri i\u00e7in ba\u015fka \u015feyler mi istiyorum?\u201d Hay\u0131r! Kendim i\u00e7in ne istiyorsam, ba\u015fkas\u0131 i\u00e7in de ayn\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 diliyorum. Kendim ve b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn hayr\u0131 i\u00e7in herkesin huzur, bar\u0131\u015f, iyi niyet ve ger\u00e7ek saf sevgi i\u00e7inde ya\u015famas\u0131n\u0131 istiyorum\u2026 Zenginli\u011fin her t\u00fcr\u00fcne her haline sahip olmas\u0131n\u0131 istiyorum\u2026 G\u00fc\u00e7 ve mevk\u00eenin yan\u0131nda g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, zorlu\u011fu ve empati duygusunu dibine kadar tatmalar\u0131n\u0131 istiyorum\u2026 Benim ba\u015f\u0131ma gelmesini istemedi\u011fim \u015feyi ba\u015fkalar\u0131 i\u00e7in dilemedi\u011fim gibi, t\u00fcm insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n benim gibi dilemesini arzu ediyorum.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7ok mu istiyorum? Hay\u0131r! Dahas\u0131 var! \u0130nsanlar\u0131n u\u011fruna m\u00fccadele etti\u011fi ve kendileri i\u00e7in dilediklerini, ba\u015fkalar\u0131 i\u00e7in de dilemelerini istiyorum\u2026 Arzu ettikleri zenginli\u011fin, g\u00fcc\u00fcn, refah\u0131n, bollu\u011fun, bereketin, sevginin, bar\u0131\u015f\u0131n kendinden ba\u015flayarak harelerle herkese yay\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 dilemelerini istiyorum. Hatta, ba\u015fkalar\u0131 i\u00e7in ne diliyorsa, kendisinin de bundan nasibini almas\u0131n\u0131 istiyorum; \u00f6yle ki, \u201ckar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakinin\u201d k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc, ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, kederini, k\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, yok olmas\u0131n\u0131 diliyorsa, kendinin de bunu tatmas\u0131n\u0131 istiyorum. \u0130nsan\u0131n \u201chep bana hep bana\u201d zihniyetinden \u201cb\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn hayr\u0131na\u201d tutum ve davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmesini istiyorum.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Belki de \u00e7ok istiyorum. 51 y\u0131ll\u0131k \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fcn en az 30 y\u0131l\u0131n\u0131 bu temennilerle ya\u015fad\u0131m. \u0130nsanl\u0131k tarihi benim gibi \u201cromantiklerle\u201d dolu. Romantizm demi\u015fken, bir \u015fiir daha yazm\u0131\u015f\u0131m ayn\u0131 g\u00fcn \u2013\u201c<strong><em>Acaba<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Acaba m\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fcd\u00fcr,<\/p>\n<p>insanlar\u0131n bar\u0131\u015f i\u00e7inde ya\u015famas\u0131;<\/p>\n<p>d\u00fcnyada sava\u015f\u0131n son bulmas\u0131?<\/p>\n<p>Acaba hayal midir,<\/p>\n<p>tek amac\u0131n var olu\u015fu,<\/p>\n<p>t\u00fcm insanlar\u0131n onun u\u011fruna ko\u015fu\u015fu?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Ne hayal ne de m\u00fcmk\u00fcn,<\/p>\n<p>sadece \u00fcmittir bunlar b\u00fct\u00fcn,<\/p>\n<p>ke\u015fke ger\u00e7ek olsayd\u0131 bu r\u00fcya,<\/p>\n<p>ne g\u00fczel olurdu bu d\u00fcnya!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Ama olsun, temenniye ve sesimizi duyurmaya devam\u2026 Bug\u00fcnk\u00fc hayal belki bir g\u00fcn ger\u00e7ek olur. Belki yar\u0131n\u2026 Belki yar\u0131ndan da yak\u0131n\u2026<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Barcelona\u2019dan Shirli<\/p>\n<p>15 May\u0131s 2021<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Yazar\u0131 sesli dinlemek i\u00e7in t\u0131klay\u0131n.) \u00d6fkeliyim\u2026 \u00c7ok hem de \u00e7ok \u00f6fkeliyim. D\u00fcnyada olup bitene \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130nsan\u0131n insana yapt\u0131klar\u0131na \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130nsan\u0131n insandan \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131klar\u0131na \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130nsan\u0131n bitmez t\u00fckenmez ihtiraslar\u0131na ve elde etmek i\u00e7in her \u015feyi yapabilme c\u00fcretine \u00f6fkeliyim. \u0130htiraslar\u0131 u\u011fruna can\u0131ndan kan\u0131ndan olana dahi zarar vermeyi g\u00f6ze alan zihniyete sahip olmas\u0131na \u00f6fkeliyim. Birbirini dinlemek ve anlamak yerine [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4988,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[114],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-yazilar"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4985"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4985\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4989,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4985\/revisions\/4989"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4988"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindthepositive.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}